Well, here I am. The first week of training is gone, and I’m
only starting to comprehend how much juggling this project will require. The
greatest challenge for me right now is making time to study, exercise and
sleep. School and extracurriculars can really take up quite a lot of time. For
example, one of my teachers recently assigned our class an end-of-semester
project. Every night I would plan to start it, but would find that other
homework and an hour of exercise took up all of my night. So I would give all
my time to busywork and exercise, but ended up taking time away from those
things later when I stayed up all night writing my culminating presentation. I
regret this deeply, but I’m even more concerned that I was not shocked by this sudden
late-nighter. The truth is, whether I have a culminating project or not, I don’t
go to bed on time.
Now, as a junior in high school, I know the value of sleep.
I’m an expert at how wrong things can go when you’re sleep deprived. I’ve
reached a point where I could barely hold an intelligible conversation
(luckily, the rest of my class was just as tired, so we basically spoke gibberish
back and forth to each other, and no one cared). I know what it’s like to be so
wrought with fatigue that walking makes me feel like I’ll puke. My feelings
cannot be unique, and I’m sure most people would agree that that level of
exhaustion is something to avoid at all costs. Unfortunately, I’m not really
willing to pay the price for a good night’s sleep. Sleep is always the least of
my concerns, which is why I’m currently questioning how I’ve prioritized my
life.
So here’s my predicament: Do I
a) slowly cut off years from
my life by not sleeping,
b) let my body waste away by never exercising,
or c)
fail all my classes by prioritizing schoolwork last?
I have to sacrifice one of
these, because I clearly can’t maintain all three. I hate having to make this
decision because all of these activities are an important part of my life. In
the end, I love them all equally, and hate the consequences of neglecting them.
Ever since I really started to organize my life, I've always done it in a way that
demands me to maintain an exercise routine, good grades, and sufficient sleep. This wasn't so impossible before, but now it seems like a foolish whim. This is
reflected in many aspects of my life, including piano, which I can no longer
practice, school, where I've developed a bit of an attitude because I’m so
tired, and this blog.
If you go to the calendar section, you’ll see that I missed
three days of training. What was I doing during this time? I was in my bed,
enjoying the sweet pleasure of having my feet tucked under a duvet, and my cat
purring on my stomach. This little indulgence felt fantastic at the time, but
had later repercussions—namely that I wouldn’t leave my bed to train (really,
who leaves a blanket and a happy cat to do sit-ups?). I also neglected to make
any written posts on this blog, and I’m embarrassed about that too. I’m still
unsure as to how I will reorganize my schedule and priorities, but I wanted to get
rid of the guilt of failing to meet my goals. I hope this wasn’t too long of a
first post, but I wanted to speak from the heart. I hope it showed J
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