Today was a horrible day. My friend
came to school crying and informed me that her parents are planning on pulling
her out of school. I felt so sick when she said this, and have spent all day fighting
back tears. Anyone who’s lost a friend knows what this feels like. I didn't hear a thing my teachers said in class, because all I could think about was how
a part of my life will be empty without her in it. At the mere thought of her,
my stomach clenched, my breath caught in my throat, and my face fell as
teardrops formed in the corners of my eyes. I just wanted an escape from the
overwhelming emotions, and today I found one in exercise.
I often
take for granted the mind-numbing qualities of running. I generally view its
rhythm and repetition as monotonous, but today I found them soothing. From right
leg to left leg, inhale to exhale, and extension to contraction, I am given a
space of time in which all I have to focus on is maintaining the pace of these motions.
I barely think about anything except how fast my heart is beating and how I can
improve the unity of my movements. I really appreciated this today.
In the
hour that I jogged on the treadmill, I felt at peace. I thought of how many
miles I had run, I concentrated on breathing in through my nose and out through
my mouth, I reminded myself to drink water every fifteen minutes, and I made
sure I wasn't turning out my feet. But I didn't think about how sad I was. Although
I thought about my friend’s departure, I did it in a more distant manner that
was free of emotion, and I feel like I have almost come to terms with it now. My
eyes have been opened to the use of exercise as a coping mechanism, which is
certainly more beneficial than my usual response of eating my feelings. I can honestly
say I feel better now, and that maybe today is not as horrible as I thought.
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