Day 21: New Bike!

Today my mom and I made my commitment to this project official by buying a new bike and all the necessary attachments! If you watch my video about trying out my bike rollers, you can see what my old bike looked like.  It's a strong, silver trek model that has 24 gears, and is intended for street rides and minimally-damaging forest routes, as you can tell by the thickness of its wheels. It was a good, sturdy bike, and I was very reluctant to replace it. I believe I bought it when I was 12 years old, so I've had it for four years. Understandably, after riding it for a quarter of my life, I'm rather attached to it. I had been delaying the inevitable upgrade to a more suitable bike, because I felt an unusual sense of loyalty for my trusty silver Trek. It seemed like a form of betrayal to replace it, and I could never be a traitor--even to a bike. But today, I finally let go of this unsolicited guilt, and paid a visit to the bike shop.

The employees at the shop were very willing and eager to help. When my mom explained (I was too nervous to speak for myself) that I would be doing a long-distance ride in June, and would require the appropriate equipment for it, the staff seemed to immediately know which bike to recommend. The bike they selected for me was a slim, lightweight model with curved handlebars, and a gear switch attached to the breaks to free the rider from frequently changing their hand position. The bike's wheels were much thinner than my old bike's, and it didn't have as many gears, or a kick stand. Compared to my old Trek, this new model they were offering me was so different, and I was very mistrustful of it. Still, I knew that I should be open to their suggestions, and warily took the bicycle out for a test ride.

The connection with the bicycle was instantaneous. As soon as I started to pedal, I shot off into the parking lot. When I adjusted my direction, the bike turned with me in the blink of an eye. I couldn't stop grinning as the rain pelted my face, and my vision blurred from my outstanding acceleration. In all reality it probably wasn't that fast, but I'm allowed to exaggerate because this is my story and I'm in control. I returned to the shop after a quick trip up to the park and then around the store again. As I came to a stop in front of the glass doors of the shop, I was greeted with the reflection of a slightly-crazy cyclist. My hair was soaked with rain, my cheeks and hands were red after being hammered by the wind, I had a long streak of mud and dirt up my back, and I couldn't stop grinning ecstatically. There was no doubt in my mind that the bike was meant to be my new trusty companion in my upcoming excursion.

I returned to the shop and picked out a waterproof jacket and gloves to replace the ski clothes I'd been using on my rides before. I also bought a set of toe-clips for my pedals, and cycling shoes to go with them. I bought a water bottle holder, a platform for a pannier, and a wheel-replacement kit which the store will teach me how to use. When I was done, I had a new, fully-equipped and accessorized bicycle. Since the bike shop still has to attach some parts to the bike and show me how to use the toe-clips, I won't be able to use it right away, but I'm so excited to own a street bike!

I will still miss my old bicycle, but I know that upgrading is a necessary part of life. We can't get anywhere if we aren't willing to move forward with innovation. That bike was my only independent mode of transportation for four years, and I will always remember it fondly. I should probably get used to the idea that I have a new bike, but just for old-time's sake, I'll be riding my old Trek to school one last time tomorrow. After that, it'll probably sit in our attic, or go onto a new owner who will care for just as much as I did. But whatever I do with it, it will always be the bike that made me love cycling, and you can't upgrade from that.

Day 20: Lots of Exercise Means Lots of Learning

Today was a big day for me. Since I missed two days of exercise due to my class retreat, I had a lot of catching up to do. I started by running for two hours (with a break halfway through), and then did an hour of sit-ups, squats, legs, raises, etc. My body burned for three hours, and while my muscles and joints are very unhappy now, I feel very content. No one can endure three hours of exercise without learning a bit about their body’s functionality. All this training gave me a lot of time to evaluate my strengths and weaknesses, and I discovered several tricks that make my workout more efficient and endurable.

The first of my breakthroughs occurred while I was running. When I run, I usually do a form of interval training, which alternates between jogging, running, and briefly sprinting. Ever since I've started this routine, it’s been very difficult for me to keep my heart rate below its maximum of 164 beats per minute. No matter how many times I ran, my cardiovascular strength just didn't seem to be improving. But today, I noticed something new. Whenever I’d start to run or sprint, my chest would become extremely tight. It was like my lungs weren't big enough for all the air I needed. I should now mention that I always wear two sports bras when I run, to decrease the strain on my back. I thought this would make my workout easier, but today I realized how wrong I was. After an hour of running, I was sure that my difficulty breathing was not due to a limited lung capacity. I experimented a little, and am now sure that the source of my inadequate inhalations was my constricting clothing. As soon as I removed my tight upper garment, my heart rate slowed down from 166 beats per minute to 157. This was a very valuable discovery, because now all my workouts will be more beneficial to my heart. When I run, it can be less of an anaerobic workout.

I also learned how to overcome pain in my joints. The area that gives me the most trouble is my hips. My hips have been a burden for as long as I can remember. They do not just malfunction in one direction…they fall out of place from all angles. It’s difficult to explain just how they do this, but if I move my legs too wide, too quickly, or change their direction drastically, my hip pops. The feeling that comes with this pop is also difficult to explain because it depends on what made my hip pop, and where in my hip the popping occurred. Sometimes it feels like my leg was pulled out of its socket, sometimes it feels like there’s a brick in between my tailbone and the back of my leg, sometimes it’s as though the tendons and muscles around my hip were tied in knots, and other times there’s just a long, unpleasant, tingly pain. There is nothing I can do about this, except pop my hip back into place, or rest my legs. As you can imagine, this does not make for an easy running experience, since I am rapidly moving my legs from a narrow stance to a wide stance. It can also make my jogs less efficient since I sometimes have to stop and push my hip back into place, which makes my heart rate go down. I encountered this problem several times during my run, and finally found a way to avoid it. I noticed that right before my hip pops, there is a small, throbbing pain on the crest of my ilium. If, as soon as this pain began, I tightened my lower stomach and glutes, my hips would continue to function, and the pain would go away. I was able to apply this knowledge to my later leg exercises as well. I cannot put into words how happy I am to be able to manage my joint pain. It has been such a hindrance, and sometimes stops me from being able to walk properly. Countering it with this strategy opens a whole slew of exercises which I previously avoided due to their extreme leg movements.

Whenever I’d choose to exercise, my shortness of breath and joint problems often discouraged me from being active for long periods of time. I didn't think I could train for as long as I did today, but I’m so glad I did, because now I have two fewer weaknesses to hold me back. Now, I can train for longer, and become an even better athlete. There are still many limitations that I need to overcome, but I know that I will be able to face them as well. Today gave me confidence in myself, and made me feel much less helpless. I learned that strength is not avoiding weakness; it’s learning how to improve in spite of your weaknesses. I feel like today, I was strong.

Day 18: Finding refuge in Running

Today was a horrible day. My friend came to school crying and informed me that her parents are planning on pulling her out of school. I felt so sick when she said this, and have spent all day fighting back tears. Anyone who’s lost a friend knows what this feels like. I didn't hear a thing my teachers said in class, because all I could think about was how a part of my life will be empty without her in it. At the mere thought of her, my stomach clenched, my breath caught in my throat, and my face fell as teardrops formed in the corners of my eyes. I just wanted an escape from the overwhelming emotions, and today I found one in exercise.

                I often take for granted the mind-numbing qualities of running. I generally view its rhythm and repetition as monotonous, but today I found them soothing. From right leg to left leg, inhale to exhale, and extension to contraction, I am given a space of time in which all I have to focus on is maintaining the pace of these motions. I barely think about anything except how fast my heart is beating and how I can improve the unity of my movements. I really appreciated this today.

                In the hour that I jogged on the treadmill, I felt at peace. I thought of how many miles I had run, I concentrated on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, I reminded myself to drink water every fifteen minutes, and I made sure I wasn't turning out my feet. But I didn't think about how sad I was. Although I thought about my friend’s departure, I did it in a more distant manner that was free of emotion, and I feel like I have almost come to terms with it now. My eyes have been opened to the use of exercise as a coping mechanism, which is certainly more beneficial than my usual response of eating my feelings. I can honestly say I feel better now, and that maybe today is not as horrible as I thought.

A Confession

Today I finally found myself with the determination and time to stop what I’m doing and get some writing done. I sat in front of my computer for some time, staring at the little blinking line on my word document, and wondering just what I was going to say. I had the enthusiasm, just not the inspiration. So I reflected on how this blog has been going so far. I was a little happy, because I was able to acknowledge some improvement in my training. But I was more disappointed in myself, because I had not been keeping up with my goal of writing three times a week. This sudden self-shame gave me the desire to make a confession—something I think I should make known about myself before continuing this blog: I am one of the biggest procrastinators ever. The weight of this confession probably isn’t clear to you, because procrastination is not exactly an uncommon trait. Putting off tasks may be a nuisance, but it’s not a serious crime. However, my procrastination is deeper and more troublesome. I don’t just put off tasks, I ignore them altogether. I wouldn’t be so ashamed of this if I were the only one to suffer from it. But I end up hurting other people and losing their trust because of this flaw, which is awful. I carelessly break promises, put off appointments, forget commitments, or in this case, write four fewer entries in my blog than I said I would.

This failure on my part doesn’t really affect the people who read this blog, but it bothers me greatly because it demonstrates a lack of accountability. In my dismissal of the goals I originally made at the start of this project, I am letting down myself and anyone else who believed I would follow through on them. This disappointing quality I possess is probably what I like least about myself, and for that reason, I want to try and change it. I promise that from this point on I will take my commitment to this project more seriously, and will make a significant effort to be reliable and trustworthy. Whether or not I keep this promise will be the ultimate test of my integrity, and I hope I prove myself through it. I conclude my confession by looking forward with anticipation to next week, when I hope I will begin my writing schedule anew. With any luck, you will hear from me three times instead of one, and this journey can truly begin.

Thoughts on balancing schedules

Well, here I am. The first week of training is gone, and I’m only starting to comprehend how much juggling this project will require. The greatest challenge for me right now is making time to study, exercise and sleep. School and extracurriculars can really take up quite a lot of time. For example, one of my teachers recently assigned our class an end-of-semester project. Every night I would plan to start it, but would find that other homework and an hour of exercise took up all of my night. So I would give all my time to busywork and exercise, but ended up taking time away from those things later when I stayed up all night writing my culminating presentation. I regret this deeply, but I’m even more concerned that I was not shocked by this sudden late-nighter. The truth is, whether I have a culminating project or not, I don’t go to bed on time.

Now, as a junior in high school, I know the value of sleep. I’m an expert at how wrong things can go when you’re sleep deprived. I’ve reached a point where I could barely hold an intelligible conversation (luckily, the rest of my class was just as tired, so we basically spoke gibberish back and forth to each other, and no one cared). I know what it’s like to be so wrought with fatigue that walking makes me feel like I’ll puke. My feelings cannot be unique, and I’m sure most people would agree that that level of exhaustion is something to avoid at all costs. Unfortunately, I’m not really willing to pay the price for a good night’s sleep. Sleep is always the least of my concerns, which is why I’m currently questioning how I’ve prioritized my life.

So here’s my predicament: Do I 

a) slowly cut off years from my life by not sleeping, 

b) let my body waste away by never exercising, 

or c) fail all my classes by prioritizing schoolwork last? 

I have to sacrifice one of these, because I clearly can’t maintain all three. I hate having to make this decision because all of these activities are an important part of my life. In the end, I love them all equally, and hate the consequences of neglecting them. Ever since I really started to organize my life, I've always done it in a way that demands me to maintain an exercise routine, good grades, and sufficient sleep. This wasn't so impossible before, but now it seems like a foolish whim. This is reflected in many aspects of my life, including piano, which I can no longer practice, school, where I've developed a bit of an attitude because I’m so tired, and this blog.

If you go to the calendar section, you’ll see that I missed three days of training. What was I doing during this time? I was in my bed, enjoying the sweet pleasure of having my feet tucked under a duvet, and my cat purring on my stomach. This little indulgence felt fantastic at the time, but had later repercussions—namely that I wouldn’t leave my bed to train (really, who leaves a blanket and a happy cat to do sit-ups?). I also neglected to make any written posts on this blog, and I’m embarrassed about that too. I’m still unsure as to how I will reorganize my schedule and priorities, but I wanted to get rid of the guilt of failing to meet my goals. I hope this wasn’t too long of a first post, but I wanted to speak from the heart. I hope it showed J

Day 1 of Training: Conquering Bike Rollers

I was unable to post this yesterday because of bandwidth issues, but here it is! Just one day late. This is only the beginning of my awe-inducing quest.